Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Teenage Today

"I might be pregnant," she mumbled over the phone.

"Oh shit," I said without thinking.

She hung up. I hung up. We both needed some time to think. Turns out one night can ruin your whole life. There was no way we could keep this a secret. We couldn't raise a baby on our own, not while in high school. It just wasn't possible. There were options though. We could put the baby up for adoption. She could get an abortion. We could struggle to raise it on our own, the most troublesome of the three.

Her parents found out. They told my parents. My parents freaked out. They were yelling so loud that I thought one of the neighbors would call the cops on us. But there were no sirens, only yelling.

I called her again.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

There was a pause.

"I want to keep it," she said.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Just Living

My sister is spoiled. Rotten to the core. It's not as hard as you might think to say. My sister is spoiled. It's easy, you see? She's shown me nothing to deter my decision. She is spoiled. She is the youngest. I am the middle child.

My older sister is the perfect daughter. Perfect until it's sickening. She's organized to pencils and pens, polite to everyone, and moderate to wearing just plain old clothes out in public.

I am the middle child. I've said that before huh? There's nothing special about me. Nothing extraordinary. Nothing to write home to mom about. I played sports, or at least, I tried. I was just another guy passing through schools. I wasn't at the top, but I wasn't at the bottom either. I don't dress fancy. I don't dress raggy. I just...dress...casually.

My little brat of a sister is spoiled for sure. She'll make a mess and leave it for you to pick up. When you don't, suddenly it's your fault. She locks herself in her imaginary tower of a castle of a room. She won't tell what she's doing. She walks into a room and suddenly everything belongs to her. You want to slap some sense into her, but you can't. She's too little. But she's so spoiled.

Dad's always working, "providing" for the family. Yeah, sure, whatever. Tell that to my three step families. The flirt, I don't know why I had to be his son. I wish I had a different father, a better father, a decent father.

Mom is always drinking, attempting to drown her sorrow with herself in her elixir of alcohol. She does nothing all day but lay in bed, recovering from a hangover, only to drink again late into the night and early morning. She flaunts his money, maybe for revenge. But I think it's damaging. She's in the hospital now. It's not the first time, but I bet it won't be the last time.

Anyway, this is my life, my suffering for a sin unknown to me. I don't what I did to deserve it, but I'm doing my time. I'm just trying to make a life out of this.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


Why does no one say "bye" or "goodbye" at the end of phone calls anymore? They just hand up when they feel the conversation is over, while i'm left speaking to no one. did i miss something? I hate it when they don't speak during the conversation too, I don't know if they hang up already or what. I'm left to wait on the phone like an idiot until I ask "hello? you there?". I don't know, the whole thing pisses me off. It's like we're so short on time that we can't waste our breath to say a "goodbye" or something like that. It's like we can't afford the time, can't afford the minutes.


I hate it when they ask me who I want to be. Can't I just be me? Can't I just live in the present? Why does it always have to be about what I will do? Why can't it be about what I am doing? Is the future so damn important that it takes priority over the present?

One can get so lost in the future that they lose sight of the present. She could be calling him, but he wouldn't notice because he's already planning the marriage. There's no love there, no substance, nothing. I'd hate to live like that.

And what will they do when their plans crumble? When everything just falls apart, can they deal with the pain? The reality? If you live in the present, you still have time, to change the future, to change your future...