I AM Working on It lol

Thanks for the feedback :) I've been busy adding a little more to what should become Chapter 1 of Infected (btw Jane, yes it was meant to be two people talking, like the radio shows you hear in the morning). If you haven't noticed, I am notoriously bad with commas, as in using them too much lol. If you catch a mistake, by all means, let me know :) Speaking about that, if something sounds awkward or out of place, I probably left something out (the downside of editing yourself is that you WILL miss things lol). Anyways, here's the fruit of my labor last night (It's more like a rewritten Chapter 1 so bear with me)

Chapter 1
It rained that day. Hard. Nathan felt each drop crash on his hood as he walked, dotting its gray color with darker shades of gray. He was cold, tired, and sore. It had been another drunk night for his father. Nathan had restrained himself from retaliating against his father, and his body had suffered for it. At least he was able to avoid being hit in the face. Any other bruise or evidence of the fights with his father were easily hidden under the shelter of his gray hooded sweatshirt and outlet jeans. In particular, there was this nagging pain in his right shoulder, probably from when his father threw him up against the wall. His right shoulder took the brunt of the force. Well, it’s not like he did much at school anyways.

Nathan walked up to the door to his classroom and just barely dodged the door as it swung violently towards him, threatening to come loose from its rusty hinges. After watching his life flash before his eyes in an instant, Nathan was greeted with the usual glare from his teacher. She eyed holes into his back as he took his seat in the back corner.

Class didn’t interest Nathan today. It rarely did. He was still pretty tired from last night. He amazed himself making it to school. He fell asleep, as usual, knowing no one would bother to wake him. Only the bell would dare do him that favor in this place.

They all hate me anyways. Why am I even here?

Her face popped up in his head, as if saying, “Good morning!”

A smirk graced his exhausted face.

Oh yeah. How could I forget about her?

Nathan looked at the clock, counting down the minutes until his last class, the only class he even slightly cared about, and that was only because she was in that class. So for now, he would sleep. Not only because he was tired, but because it made the time go by that much quicker.
Every now and then the bell would wake him, and he would groggily rise from his seat and move on to the next classroom, occasionally trudging up a set or two of stairs. Others walked around him, but he was too drowsy to notice. But his muscles remembered the routine, and managed to get him to each class, more or less.

Finally the time came. Nathan was wide awake from the anticipation. He knew he would only get an hour or so with her, but that was all he needed to make each and every day worth it. He hurried to the classroom, not in a rush, but fast enough to get him there early, but not too early. He arrived with perfect timing, he wasn’t the first or even tenth in the classroom, but he wasn’t the last either. Nathan steadily walked to his seat in the back corner.

Five minutes passed before she made it to class. But she was not alone. She entered the classroom with five of her friends almost huddled around her. They moved as one, and somehow made it past the door and into their seats. She sat in the back corner, opposite of Nathan. Although her obnoxious friend blocked his view from time to time, this view over weighed the inconvenience.

Her hair was a soft, light brown color, an almost totally opposite shade of Nathan’s devilish dark brown hair. While hers fell gently down to the middle of her back, Nathan’s stopped just short of his eyebrows. Today she had tied it into a ponytail. Jason had just left his alone. It was not like he could do much with it. Certainly not after last night and this morning. He had no time to worry about little things like this. But then again, his gray hood covered all aspects of his hair, so it didn’t matter in the end.

She flashed a glance his way, and he was caught off guard, his hazel eyes gazing into hers. It was only for a moment though, as she returned her attention to the conversation with her friend, who was giddy from the excitement of something that Nathan held no interest in.

He didn’t know what to think of her glance his way, even if it was for less than a second. Was she interested in him? Could she be interested in him? Or was she just taking in the surroundings, checking the room with her curiosity? But Nathan resolved it to be the latter, maybe even a random glance, like the one when you look away to think of something else to say in a conversation.

“Alright class, let’s get started. Today we shall be reading Shakespeare,” the teacher announced as everyone groaned at the sound of the name.

“Quite your whining. This is part of the curriculum, which means it WILL be on the final,” the teacher lazily scolded while still slashing the chalkboard with chalk.

Nathan couldn’t help but steal another look at her.

Sarah huh? Wouldn’t it be nice is she was my.....nah, she’d never be with a guy like me.

She flipped her hair casually, but to Nathan it was all but casual. More like the whole world stopped to watch her. More like Nathan’s heart skipped a beat just for her.

He spent the whole class like this. Oblivious to everything except Sarah. Even if the teacher scolded him for not paying attention, he didn’t notice until the teacher kicked the leg of his desk, interrupting Nathan’s peaceful watch.

None of the teachers cared too much for Nathan, and this one was no exception. He would have loved to hit Nathan over the head with, but school rules prohibited such actions. So he just let Nathan be for now and walked back towards the front of the class, all the while continuing his lecture. Right now, he was just satisfied that he had interrupted Nathan in whatever he had been doing. It was his own small compensation for wasting his time on such a hopeless student.

The bell gave Nathan a rude awakening to reality. The truth was Sarah probably didn’t even know of his existence. He watched her leave, along with his dreams and wishes. Then he rushed out of the classroom to avoid the teacher after school hours.

Nathan couldn’t avoid going back home. He hated it, but he had no money on him. Home was really the only place he could get food and sometimes, sleep. So he flipped his hood over his head and backtracked his way through the pouring rain.

He cut across the lawn to the door, and felt the water invade his sneakers.

That wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done.

Nathan shut the door behind him, but kept his hand on the doorknob. Something was missing. There was an ache in his chest. Nathan could only wonder what it was. His stomach growled.

Guess I better get some food...

Nathan sneakers squeaked every step to the fridge, leaving a gleaming trail of who-knows-where-it-came-from water on the auburn tiles that characterized the kitchen floor.

What I Have So Far...

Well, in case you were wondering, this is what I have so far for the beginning of Infected. Most of it is uncertain right now because I cannot decide where to start :(

But before that, if you read it that is, I'd appreciate if you'd help me out a bit by looking for any errors like spelling or grammar :) Also, I'm not sure about Nathan's impression on the reader, well, you'll see if you read it :)

By the way, the prefaces are just ideas I'm playing with right now. But the little introduction thingy is satisfactory (to me).

Preface?
1) “All I knew was a name with a face. Sarah, she didn’t deserve this. No one deserved to suffer like this. I wanted to save her. No, I would save her, or die trying.”

2) Nathan coughed up blood while he struggled to breathe, the bitter, copper taste lingering in his mouth. His body was numb from the collision and the sudden rush of pain. He could barely move his head to look around. The flaming pieces of metal illuminated the corpse of his father. The cackles of the fire and a loud ringing filled his ears. As his eyes gave in to the pain and gave way to darkness, he spotted someone approaching him...

...and to think, he was going to tell her today...

Introduction?
Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

Click!

“Goooood morning Everwake! Today’s a beautiful day with clear skies all the way!”

“But there’s a 50% chance of rain...”

“Who cares! All I see are clear skies right now and clear skies later on!

Chapter 1?
It rained that day. Hard. Nathan felt each drop crash on his hood as he walked, dotting its gray color with darker shades of gray. He was cold, tired, and sore. It had been another drunk night for his father. Nathan had restrained himself from retaliating against his father, and his body had suffered for it. At least he was able to avoid being hit in the face. Any other bruise or evidence of the fights with his father were easily hidden under the shelter of his gray hooded sweatshirt and outlet jeans. In particular, there was this nagging pain in his right shoulder, probably from when his father threw him up against the wall. His right shoulder took the brunt of the force. Well, it’s not like he did much at school anyways.

Nathan walked up to the door to his classroom, and just barely dodged the door as it swung violently towards him, threatening to come loose from its rusty latches. After watching his life flash before his eyes in an instant, Nathan was greeted with the usual glare from his teacher. She eyed holes into his back as he took his seat in the back corner.

Class didn’t interest Nathan today. It rarely did. He was still pretty tired from just making it to school, and fell asleep. No one bothered to wake him. Only the bell did him that favor this period, in a classroom filled with those that despised his very existence.

Nathan slept in his next two classes. The morning’s near-death experience woke him up briefly, but last night’s exhaustion had finally caught up to him. Neither teacher bothered to wake him up. They left that job to the students, who only woke Nathan from his slumber in order to take their seat in the next class.


Draft/Idea

Nathan awoke with a chill running up his spine. He felt the goose bumps attempt to keep him warm. Instinctively, he crossed his arms across his chest. But he only felt his left arm. He thought it was numb. He looked to find only an empty sleeve of gray.

“Wha-what the hell?” he said to himself, “Is this a dream?”

He was just dreaming. Any minute now he’d wake up in his bed with the sun about to rise above the horizon. Things like this just didn’t happen in the real world. It had to be a dream.

“So you’re awake,” a voice said impersonally.

“No I’m not,” Nathan said calmly, “Not yet. I’m still asleep. This is all, just a dream.”

A long silence ensued, like the eye of a storm, when everything is at a false sense of serenity and security. Nathan just wanted to wake up soon, despite the life he would awaken into.

But he couldn’t help the whirlwind of questions in his head about his right arm. Even though it was all a dream, why did his mind exclude his right arm from his body?

*So regarding Nathan, I don't know if I made him too apathetic to school, although he is supposed to be apathetic to a certain degree. Also, I may be too unrealistic with the treatment to Nathan by the teachers and the students. That's my main concern with that right now.

**In case you were wondering, there IS a reason for him going to school despite his apathy, I just haven't gotten that far writing it because I'm conflicted with this beginning part lol. If I can get this out of the way, I can move on to the good stuff :)

Once again, I would LOVE any feedback at all. I encourage you to as detailed and opinionated as you can be. Even if I personally don't like it, I can still learn from it and make this beginning and overall story better :)

It's Been a While, and I Really Am Sorry About That...

I know I haven't been on in forever. Blogging just kinda took a seat way in the back of my mind for that 4-odd-something-month period. College, scholarships, deadlines, deadlines, deadlines, and well, you get the point. Anyways, I have not forgotten about writing Infected. I do intend to finish it. Actually, right now I'm in pretty good shape. The problem is that I have a really hard time writing the beginning of a story. I always find it...lacking. Either that or I just don't like it period :(

Anyways, I have my characters all mapped out (for the most part). I even played with the idea of a preface, a little teaser or whatever lol. But I really don't know where to start. I mean, there's two points I could start this story, and they basically break down into this: the long way or the short way. One, I start it off with Nathan (the main character) at school, and introduce you to his life before ANYTHING ever happens. This includes a direct view of his relationship with Sarah (other main character, well, kinda lol). Two, I start off with Nathan right in the middle of the beginning of the long series of unfortunate (is that really a spoiler? lol) events, starting with his belief that it is all just a dream that he will wake up from soon. However, I think his relationship with Sarah will need a little bit more explaining.

So thinking about the relationship with Sarah: clear and simple or a little more mysterious and some thinking on the reader's part (not saying that you can't figure it out but I know that those few times I READ books I hated it when things were not stated clearly).

It's very frustrating for me, but maybe that's part of the job as an author? lol. Anyways, I would very much appreciate any, ANY opinions on this. It'll help me think about things better.

There's No Name to a Tragedy

That Christmas, he bled himself dry. They say they'll never know why. But he told them. He did them better, he showed them. But they pushed him aside, one of their own. They put him at the end of the list. That damn list. He burned it before he turned to ashes himself. There was no one for him. School hated him. Friends abandoned him. Betrayed him. His moments were inexplicable. He couldn't help the way he was born. It wasn't voluntary. Who the hell would WANT to move like THAT? Randomly. So while they were singing false carols and wishing lies to each other, he locked himself in the bathroom. He wasn't alone, his trusty razorblade was by his side. The only thing that never lied to him. Never trusted him. It just did what he wanted it to do. No questions asked. Just action. While they were giving out presents, he was giving up his blood to the drain in the bathtub. He had enough time to stare out the tiny square window. It was a half moon that night. He smirked. That other half, the light, he wondered what it would have been light. If he wasn't born with this, this, this curse. His life had been out of his hands, but now he could hold it firm and choke it to death with his own bloody hands.

He Said Goodbye

He dialed 9-1-1 on his cell phone. You could hear the air in the background.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"If I died, would you miss me?"

"What?"

He hung up. He called the police. Before the receptionist could speak.

"I'm about to jump."

"What?"

He cut her off. Closed his cell phone. Stared it down. Thought of her. He dialed the house number.

"Hello?"

"Emily."

"Hang on a minute, I'll go get her."

He heard her cover the phone and call "Emily! Phone!"

But he didn't wait for her.

"I loved you."

He hung up.

He watched a cloud float by. Last one. He called his "home".

Ringing. Ringing. Answering machine.

"Leave a message after the beep."

He knew it. That man wouldn't answer, probably suffering another hangover.

But he left his message.

"Your son is dead."

That was it. There was no one left to call. No one left. He threw his phone over the edge, and watched it shatter into tiny pieces on the pavement. The people looked up at him, high enough to rival the sky. Just a spot in the sun. But they watched him, ignorant.

He falls. Arms open for broken wings. He won't fly. But he'll land.

He didn't know what it all meant. No one ever explained it to him. But it could all mean nothing. He could be nothing. He would be nothing. No, just another one, to them. He'd see his mother soon enough. Maybe she could tell him.

Absurd?

he held her in his arms. She was homeless. She was bleeding. She was dying.

She painted the sidewalk a dark shade of red.

He called for help. He tasted his tears. He cried for help. Somebody. Anybody.

Nobody.

She died in his arms, and all he could do was cry for her.

They just walked by. Some turned to look. Some even said something. But they all walked away. No one wants to be a hero.

The sirens never came.

He buried her, all by himself. No one helped. No one wanted to. No one cared.

They asked what was wrong with him. He slammed his door shut, and locked himself away from the world. They were concerned, but called it a phase.

He emerged from his self-imprisonment, with red eyes and sight set on something. He never spoke a word to them. He left that place, never coming back.

In a field of dry grass on the outskirts of the city, he found his fury. Let it burn inside him, and finally burst into a great blaze. The match was only an instrument of his wrath. If they thought him helpless, powerless, he would prove them wrong. If nobody cared, then he didn't care either.

She was dying! Yet all they can do is watch!

The blaze kept him company. It embraced him, holding him in its arms. Then finally consuming him. He left with a sadistic smile. The flames matched his eyes.

He could only bring pain to those that had only given him pain...

Author's note: Read something in the newspaper. Forgot what it was thought :( But no this did not really happen, at least to my knowledge...

Work in Progress :)

sorry for the LONG delay in posts. I haven't had the time to write lately with scholarships and college applications and whatnot. But I DID manage to write a little bit, and it's a start. I don't know if you remember how my last attempt, or the attempt before that was, but I feel this is a better approach, so far :) Anyways, I'm still editing a bit. I also want to make the paragraphs a little longer, but I haven't figured out a way to do that yet, er, what to write to make them longer lol. Well, here's what I have so far:

Chapter 1? Undecided

He ran down the street, almost tripping in the darkness of the night. His body was going numb from the rain, but he kept running. He couldn’t wait until tomorrow. He would give it to her today.

She stood under a streetlight, an umbrella keeping the rain off her pretty face. She waited for him to come to her.

His heart was racing, not only from the running, but also from the excitement. He could barely contain himself.

He held out his hand, and the silver necklace glistened in the streetlight. The rain only made it sparkle a little more. She smiled, a beautiful smile, one that only he knew.

She turned around so he could put it on her. The necklace was wet, and she got goose bumps from the sudden chill. But his hands were so caring, so careful.

He turned her around to see it. It looked perfect on her, just like he imagined. Beauty without bounds.

She was so happy she was speechless. Words could not express what she felt in the depths of her heart at that very moment.

Their lips locked under the shade of her umbrella.

He was soaking wet, but she didn’t care.

She was so warm, something he had never known.

A precious moment burned into their memories, to be treasured the rest of their lives. It was to be their last moment together like that, but they had no way of knowing...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jason opened his eyes, only to be blinded by the bright lights. Then afflicted with the pain of a thousand needles lodged in his body. The beeps of machines and the shouts of people flooded his ears. Then, one last needle, sunk into his chest. The pain was endless. Jason saw a blurry white, then succumbed to the darkness of forced slumber.

“Jason,” a voice whispered.

?

“Jason,” whispered the voice again.

Jason’s body felt so heavy. His head was spinning, even in this darkness. But this voice, it was so familiar...

“Sarah!” Jason exclaimed as he jerked wide awake. The lights were blinding at first, but his eyes adjusted soon enough. She wasn’t there.

Jason picked himself up off the floor. His body must have been numb, because he didn’t feel a thing. His head ached, so he put his hand against it to ease the pain. He took a few breathes and took a look at his surroundings.

The room was pure white. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, all a clean white. An empty white. A contraption of some sort stood against a wall, sleek and shiny in appearance. There was a single door, white like the rest of the room, that stood opposite of the contraption. Jason moved to open the door, when it suddenly burst open from the other side!

A beast rushed in. Jason immediately raised his arms to cover his face, bracing himself from some sort of impact. One glimpse of those feral eyes was all it took. But Jason felt nothing. He lowered his arms, slowly. Two assault rifles were point blank with his face.

“Don’t shoot!” Jason pleaded, shutting his eyes tight from the fear.

They opened fire, and didn’t stop. They shot round after round after round, until their guns were just noise.

Jason thought he was dead. Jason was sure he was dead. But he was still breathing. He slowly opened his eyes, and saw the two soldiers staring at him. He frantically checked himself for bullet holes. He found none. Now he was really confused. Not only that, but scared to the point where his body would not move, at least not quick enough.

The soldiers passed THROUGH Jason. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what to think anymore. But he slowly turned to see what they were doing, and almost vomited right then and there. That sour taste creeping up his throat was too sickening for him. But swallowed it whole, leaving its bitter taste on his lips. What a gruesome sight. It couldn’t be called a corpse. There was hardly anything left.

It was only then that Jason realized they had been looking THROUGH him. He began to wonder if he really was dead.

“Did you take care of it?” came a voice.

Jason just stood there. He honestly could not move. His body would not respond. He wanted to move. He had to move. But, nothing.

His mind was racing with a million thoughts a second. This couldn’t be happening. Maybe it was all a dream. Yes, that’s right, this is all a dream. A terrible, terrible dream. A nightmare. He would wake up soon, and everything would be normal again. His head would be against the window of the car, and his father would be driving, going on about how Jason should apply himself to something, even though he was nothing more than a big fat paycheck to this father.