Monday, October 13, 2008

Infected: Corruption Chapter 5

Chapter 5

There was a touch of color in his eyes. A touch of life. A touch of memory.

Sarah felt her heart skip a beat from excitement. Did he remember?

"Is that your name?" Jason asked cautiously.

He felt it, something that tugged at his heart. Something that attracted him to her.

"Ja-" she began, but stopped. Her heart was racing, but he had only asked her name. She shouldn't get too excited, not yet.

"Jason, do you remember me?" Sarah asked.

Jason thought about it, silently. He only knew a name and a face. His heart beat faster and faster just talking to her, a heart that had locked itself away from the world. Jason had never known life, but this girl made him wonder about it. If it was with her, was it really that bad?

Sarah waited anxiously for his answer. If it was yes, maybe they could continue where they left off, with some adjustments of course. If he said yes, she wanted to kiss him, to hold him in her arms again, somehow. Even if he was a ghost, she would love him.

But if he said no...

Sarah didn't even want to think about it. She didn't know what she would do. Maybe keep him with her in hopes of hiding his memory. But it would kill her, to hear him deny her.

The screams filled the silence.

"No," Jason said.

Sarah felt her heart die. It fell to the floor and lay bleeding. The sadness dripped from her eyes, ever so slowly. She tried to be strong, choking down her sobs. This wasn't the end, she could start over. It would hurt, not having him remember, but she could not forget him. She could start over, and make new memories. But she would miss him, the old Jason.

"But," Jason continued, "I want to remember you."

Sarah's sobs stopped in an instant. Her mind raced with possibilities. They could work together to regain his memories. They could work out everything. They could live together, forever.

She smiled, and Jason couldn't help but do the same. His heart longed for her, for a life. Death never crossed his mind.

Sarah clutched her silver necklace. He wasn't dead, the Jason she knew and loved. He was in there, somewhere, forgotten, misplaced maybe. There was still hope.

They both stood there, smiling. Neither heard the screams anymore. Neither heard the footsteps crashing down the hallway. Neither made a sound.

Bullets broke the silence. Sarah and Jason looked at the shooters. Two guards, geared in black, with assault rifles slung across their necks.

"Today's the day you die!" one yelled.

"Your daddy ain't gonna save you today!" yelled the other.

They both took aim at Sarah.

Jason caught a glimpse of her. Sarah was surprisingly calm, like this wasn't the first time. Jason watched in awe and then horror as her eyes turned black, no, darker than black. The soldiers flinched as the room quickly matched her eyes, complete darkness.

Jason was worried about Sarah, but he felt a sense of security in this darkness. There was nothing to fear here. It had sheltered him before, why should it fail him now?

"I don't like doing this," Sarah whispered, the darkness echoing her voice, "but you guys leave me no choice."

Jason could see nothing, but he heard something pierce flesh. He heard the blood splatter and spray. He heard the body drop to the floor. He shuddered.

"What the? Ugh!" he heard the other soldier say.

Jason heard another body drop as the blood burst forth and fell like rain to the floor.

The darkness receded, but Jason's body would not stop shaking. What was that? Sarah?

She stood over the two corpses. Blood dripped down her arms, and joined the pool spreading across the floor. Jason saw the wounds on the bodies, wounds that were not from this world, wounds that were not possible with anything. The flesh had been torn away, the bones had been ripped out and stabbed back into the body. No, these were not bodies, they were corpses, mangled to the point of no return, ever.

Something gripped Jason's heart in an icy fist. The wounds were random, but no less gruesome. There was nothing Sarah could have used. Her arms were drenched in blood, they reeked of the blood. Jason shuddered. Something was wrong, so very wrong with it all, even in a place like this.

Sarah turned around to face Jason. She needed to explain it to him. But he was gone. She felt her heart sink, but she could still hope. At least he was there, she was no longer so alone in this place. She promised herself to find him later, and explain everything to him. For now, she dragged the corpses outside into the hall and closed the door.

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Author's note:
The first part of this chapter was really difficult for me to write, and I'm still not happy with it :( It sounded kind of awkward to me when I reread it, but I want to get this out of the way and move on. I know, I know, lazy right? But I'll edit this chapter when I finish this story. Oh yeah, proofreading is a pain on blogger, so let me know if you find any errors: i.e. spelling, grammar, missing words, etc. One more thing, if you don't mind, am I moving too fast? As in Jason as a character. I don't know if he is changing at the right pace or too fast overall. Also, the whole interaction between Sarah and Jason, does it make sense? If not, please let me know. I really want to improve this chapter to improve the whole story overall. Wow, that was a lot, sorry about that :) But yeah, let me know what you think of it.

P.S. Too gruesome? How so? Unnecessarily or were you just not expecting it? Do you need a warning or something? Or is there image unclear in some way? My friend (beta reader) is being lazy right now so I really don't have a second opinion about these things :( I'm dying to know here! lol.

2 comments:

Jane Opal said...

I had to go back and reread the last chapter.

First: The transition between chapter 4 and 5 is good, but they still don't really fit together at some point. If Jason remembers Sarah (that flashback on the street) why does he deny remembering her? Is he afraid to hope that it really is her? He clearly remembers more than just a name and a face.

Second: I still don't think I understand how Sarah realizes that Jason is a ghost. The description you give of him in chapter 4 makes him sound completely human, except that he's a shell of his former self. What really marks him as a ghost to her?

Third: That whole "guards rush in and attack and Sarah fights back" thing is pretty random. I dunno, though. Maybe you were planning on clearing that up later. And where does Jason go? lol. Like I said, maybe that comes later. *shrugs*

Just make sure that everthing flows together, chapter to chapter, paragraph to paragraph.

Grammer is doing better. :] Just one thing:
"What the? Ugh!" he heard the other soldier say.

It might look better if you put a dash between "the" and the question mark, just to note that his thought was cut of.

- Jane

_-*Kristen*-_ said...

i think it seems like he does remember her, but he doesnt remember their memories. All he had was a name and a face.

maybe you should put in what happens to jason. Like "he drifted through the wall to sort out his thoughts" or something around that.

i like how you put how the sadness dripped from her eyes. it kinda makes me feel like it touched everybody else around her.

so... i'm guessing that they had been trying to kill her before huh? maybe the guy shouldnt have yelled that she was going to die.

and are you going to end up telling us how she did that? that would be so cool to understand how that went down.

and no, it wasnt too gory. your first draft that you did, from what i can tell, you SHOULD put some gore into this. it is part of the story right?