“Who’s in there?” Rifle asked as we sped down the corridor.
“Someone,” I began, “Someone very important to me.”
Dymend was standing in front of the door, blocking any entrance into the room. I only hoped his diamond body would be able to withstand their bullets.
I floated through him and into the room.
“Cloud!” I called.
The darkness in the corner dissipated as she came out of hiding. I finally got to see her. I wanted to tell her, so badly. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to just be there with her. But there was no time.
“Ink! Cloud! Take cover!”
Cloud took Ink by the hand and hid both of them in her darkness in the corner. I floated back out to the corridor. They had already started.
Rifle was taking cover behind Dymend, picking off the soldiers one by one with incredible accuracy. He didn’t waste a shot.
Dymend just stood there. The bullets just bounced off of him and buried themselves into the walls, floor, and ceiling. I assumed he had agreed to be Rifle’s shield.
Gale was running towards the soldiers. Bullets were useless against his wind. He quickly formed his katana and began to cut the soldiers down. His moves were so precise, so deadly.
They worked surprisingly well together. Rifle never shot Gale, Gale never got in the way of Rifle’s shots. Dymend was the perfect shield.
But I saw more soldiers coming. There were already more soldiers than the facility had. They must have called for reinforcements. They must have seen our activity. That first batch of soldiers had only been for cautionary measures. Just a scout unit, sent to see how organized we were. They were trying to outnumber us, but we still had the advantage. Or at least I thought we did.
I saw Gale go down. He was tackled by a group of soldiers, and shot in the back. Apparently he could only stop so many bullets at once with his wind. They advanced towards Dymend and Rifle. Dymend rushed them, and Rifle continued to fire. He took out a few soldiers, but reinforcements flooded the corridor.
Dymend was inches away from a soldier before he fell, unconscious. Gas continued to spread throughout the corridor. Rifle retreated to inside the room.
I wanted to kill myself. It was killing me anyways. Not being able to fight. Not being able to hold Cloud. Not being able to save them. Not being able to do anything. Only able to watch. It was true torture.
Rifle slammed the door shut.
“Shit!” he said.
“We have to-” I began.
The back wall exploded. Rubble flew everywhere. A chunk almost crushed Rifle’s head. Cloud and Ink were thrown to the floor by the explosion. I could only watch as soldiers moved in. Rifle kept shooting, and I thought he had a chance, until they threw in the gas grenades. Cloud tried to hide in her darkness, but the gas got her first. Ink was motionless. The gas took us all out. Ink, Cloud, Rifle, me, and the soldiers. The last thing I saw was the door bursting open, and more soldiers entering the room. Then it all went dark...
The End?
Monday, June 23, 2008
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3 comments:
Not fair!
ohh dammn! this has tons of potential.. continue!
Now that I'm done with Infection (which I see is only the first), I have a couple things to say. First off all, this is a very good story. But there are some things that could use some improvement.
There are a lot of characters, and the reader doesn't get a lot of time to get to know the character well. We know what their powers are, but what the characters' personalities are like is almost a complete mystery.
Also, this is very action driven, so I suggest some more major suspense.
I think that this has a lot of potential, but some of the scenes could use some expanding and some more detail.
I feel that it's rather short and would do well with a little more text.
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